I resigned from my job in July. It feels wrong to call it a job. The only job I’ve had since college….so I resigned from my career feels a little more appropriate. The weight of those words felt heavy then and it still feels heavy now typing it. But the weight of those words has also made me feel lighter than I have at any point in my 20s (I’ll turn 30 in December).
I need to preface all of it with saying it was a hard decision, a long time considered decision, a prayed over decision, a decision over which many people gave their blessing. I’m forever thankful for all the things I learned and all the resources people poured into me. There’s something so comfortable about getting up and going to the same place every day. I think it many ways I could have easily done that forever. But there has always been a quote that has haunted me for years.
I think this is troubling in particular for the creative variety. You feel like your corporate job isn’t stretching you enough in all the right ways? So any smart person would tell you “make it your hobby”, “why don’t you volunteer doing that”, “you can’t make money doing that”. And 99% of the time they are right. As someone who has a Masters of Accounting, I’ll be the first to tell myself you have to have a great adjustment of expectations to be willing to give it all up for the arts. But thank God people do….the world would be so ugly without all those people.
I’m within two weeks of being a mother to two. Resigning when I did left this space for me to savor what I had left of being a mother to one. I wrote it all over my calendar to treat it like the sacred time it really has been. Some moments are really tough and others are so rich in the matter of life it will move you to tears. The feelings of not contributing monetarily to our family during this space between are offset by becoming absolutely filthy rich in memories money could have never bought. I’ve never felt called to stay at home. I have friends who are SO good at it. It’s clear they are doing what they should be doing. I have not found this in myself. So this space between won’t be forever and maybe that makes it all the more sacred to me. As we welcome in our new baby to the fold and adjust, I will return to something new. It’s exciting, scary sometimes, but mostly exhilarating to find out what you’re really made of. A friend and I recently had lunch and talked about the importance of living a significant life. How it’s really not enough to work hard and tithe to your church or write checks to charities. We are all capable of changing the world for someone so we should be boots on the ground each day using our talents, using our resources, finding new resources, pouring in, pouring out, using a prayerful compass and listening to our callings. Life is fleeting, and in the end, we ALL know it’s not going to ever have been about the things this world will have you think it is.
This space between has been something out of a movie and that will never be lost on me. One day when I’m commuting to work or I’m missing my girls once they’ve left the nest, I’ll dig up these riches I’ve stored away. We live within walking distance of both my parent’s house and Everly’s preschool (she still goes two days a week). There have been mornings where I have been given the gift of a slow morning of coffee on my parent’s porch, mornings where I have strolled Everly to preschool with the sun beaming in between tree branches on the street in front of us…nowhere to be. I’m writing this from a busy little coffee shop down the street from her preschool. One I’ve dreamed about working from since we moved here but never taken the time to. Days where I’ve been given the gift of time to pick up a paintbrush just for the fun of it. This space between, no doubt, will be one of the greatest gifts of this lifetime.
I’m learning the art of being present in the “spaces between” so that when I do go back to the hustle and bustle of another time I’ll recognize them for what they are. Maybe it’s an extra 30 minutes in the morning you could have a cup of coffee with your spouse, maybe it’s a family dinner you let yourself linger at the table for 15 minutes longer. Maybe it’s that phone call you make on the way home to a relative you haven’t talked to in forever. I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again…we must stop the glorification of busy. Celebrate productivity and celebrate quality time…but it’s time to say no to all we can and start saying yes to the things that are going to make a difference.
If you’re still reading this mess of thoughts, happy Thursday friends! I’m headed home to put the FINAL coats of paint on the china cabinet turned bedroom armoire. Glass is going back in tonight and she’s scheduled for a photoshoot tomorrow…all the praise hands!